That Thursday they got really bad and I remember timing them and they were coming every 7 minutes and lasting about 1 minute each. That Friday they got so bad I called the hospital and that Saturday morning I went back to the labor and delivery triage. Again I was sent home and told that because I was able to hold a conversation and was able to walk and breath that I was not in active labor and that this was all 'normal'. That Saturday night was horrible. I was in so much pain. My contractions were coming every 5 minutes and now lasting a lot longer. I was very afraid because I was only 34 weeks and 6 days pregnant at this time and I was told because my baby would need surgery that I needed to stay pregnant as long as possible. I was more scared and worried and stressed out so I guess I did not let the pain get to me as much as a 'typical' woman in labor. I remember telling my husband that I will not take no for an answer this time and they WILL admit me. So we went BACK to the hospital a third time. I told them the pain was so bad and I honestly remember trying to fake it a little so they would actually believe me. The same nurse I had seen every time checked me and I was 100% effaced and dilated 2cm.
I remember being so freaked out at this moment because I knew if the baby came early it could be bad for their surgery. They gave me some terbutaline to try and stop my contractions and they were on the verge of sending me home. I begged to stay and honestly started pretending the pain was unbearable since I kept getting told I was not in labor since I was not acting like I was. They put me in a labor and delivery room and monitored me. My contractions were getting picked up about every 5 minutes on the monitor. They checked me again and I was at 3cm which a bulging sac. They decided to keep me over night. I remember feeling so relieved because I was going to be on the monitor and I finally felt safe.
My day nurse had to go and the night nurse came on shift. She was horrible, she made me feel like I was taking up a room for someone who was actually in labor. She told me she has had six children and I should expect these labor pains to go on for weeks. She took me off the monitor and told me to stop monitoring how often and long my contractions were and to get some sleep. She was so cruel to me and I kept telling her something was wrong and she kept blowing me off and leaving me for her patient who was 'actually in labor.' At around 2300 I called her and told her I could not take it any more and I needed something for pain. She came back and said I could either get a vicodin or a sleeping pill. I remember being so angry at this nurse and felt so helpless. So I did what she said and tried to sleep.
I was laying in bed breathing through my contractions when all of a sudden I felt my water break. We called in the nurse who looked and told me that I had pooped the bed and it was not my water. This really happened to me. I begged for her to call my OB and hook me up to the monitor since throughout my whole pregnancy I was warned of the risks of stillbirth and complications and was told I was have such strict monitoring. I demanded she hook me up so I could hear my baby's heartbeat. She got another nurse who said it didn't look like my water had broken and that I must have just went to the bathroom all over my bed. I was screaming at this point, not from pain but from fear. I kept begging them to call my doctor and to hook me up to the monitor. I told them they needed to to do the test to check for my water being broken. They demanded that I go take a shower and clean the 'poop' off of me. I was fighting with these nurses and eventually agreed to take the shower if I could hear my babies heartbeat and once I heard it I ran to the shower just to please them. While in the shower I kept trying to come back out saying, 'okay I showered now let me on the monitor.' They said I needed to wash my hair and I remember frantically putting my hair under the water to make it look like I did what they said. I've never been so scared in my life, fearing for my babies life.
All of a sudden in the shower I started getting a huge urge to push. I said, 'I NEED TO PUSH NOW!' They said you probably need to poop some more. At this point I was screaming at these nurses so the charge nurse came in to see what was going on. She checked me right away and said, 'She really does need to push!' I was at 10cm and it was time. I needed to push SO bad. And they would not let me push. The charge nurse FINALLY started making all the phone calls that should have been made the moment my water broke. She called my OB, and called the NICU because they needed to be there to take my baby away. I kept needing to push and they would not let me. I said you better get some doctor in here because this baby is coming and someone is going to be delivering it now. They had an on call OB come in finally and still would not let me push. I remember saying aren't you a doctor well then you are delivering this baby NOW! The whole room was filled at this time with the whole NICU staff and all the people who needed to be there. They said due to all my complications I really needed to wait for my OB since he knew my case the best. I tried my best not to push but I remember I could not hold back and had to push a little. I remember when he walked in the room I felt so relieved I could finally push!
I pushed about 7 times and out she came! I heard her cry and it was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard in my entire life as I was so afraid she would not cry. They took her away from me right away. There was no skin to skin, no breast to baby. No bonding. I gave birth and they whisked her away from me. My arms have never felt so empty in my entire life. Since I had an all natural birth my recovery was not that bad. I did have a second degree tear which I believe was due to the fact I could not push for so long. Since I was able to walk I went to the NICU and finally saw my baby. I had to go back to the postpartum unit and that was very difficult for me. Here I was in the unit with the mothers and the babies and I was in the one room which did not have a baby. I heard sweet baby cries and yearned for my baby. My little Roslyn was born 5 weeks early weighing 4lbs and 10.4 oz. She did have to have emergency surgery when she was about 12 hours old. She is still in the NICU and we will probably be here for a while. I would not change a thing about her.