My waters broke at 00.30 on 27th October (her due date), I was shaking with shock! Something I really hadn't expected, I only expected excitement. I was shivering like crazy and my teeth were chattering as my husband put his arms around me. We called the midwife and they suggested we come in to be checked in the morning and to get some sleep... we didn't sleep at all! We stayed up talking about what was to come, we were finally going to meet our baby!
After suffering with back labour for almost 24hrs and trying to wait it out at home, we headed back to hospital as I was desperate for some pain relief. I didn't get an epidural until 3am the next day but finally I was able to speak! I was still 2.5cm and due to our baby being awkwardly positioned, my cervix was only half dilating. The other half was swelling and closing and the whole time my body was forcing me to push. It took all my energy trying to stop it pushing as it was only making the swelling worse. Epidural boosters were the only thing keeping me going!! My temperature was high, I had a drip, antibiotics, the epidural and so many machines hooked up to me... and I hadn't had chance to get changed! I didn't catch a wink of sleep this whole time and seriously couldn't handle food. My energy levels were on the floor.
At about 15.10 they finally decided to examine me again after I had told them I was struggling not to push anymore. I was ready to go, baby was in position (although facing the wrong way) so that was it, I was told I could push. With the next few contractions I pushed with all my energy then suddenly my contractions slowed right down and we lost babies heart rate. I was internally lost, what was happening? Was the baby OK? Why aren't my contractions coming? Finally they found the heartbeat. It was dropping, massively. The next thing I know I'm being hooked up to hormones and people are flooding through the door with all sorts of medical equipment.
I went into myself completely, I knew I was the one who needed to do this. I focused everything I could on the pain and pressure and pushed at every contraction once they started back up again. Just as they began discussing the use of forceps I felt the baby move, it was a strange sensation so low down, she had turned herself into the right position. I just kept reassuring myself that I can do this, my body is made for this. In that next push I felt a sudden relief. Had I just delivered our baby? Was the baby ok? Then I heard that cry.
I don't remember anyone in that room except my husband and the midwives. Then suddenly, there, there is my baby. 40 weeks and one day of carrying and creating life and there it was in front of me. Our beautiful baby girl with her misshapen yet gorgeous little head. Swollen eyes, covered in her life supply and with a true knot in the cord which the midwife had pulled off from around her neck. The cord that had worried us our whole pregnancy, with its single artery.
She had to be taken to the special care baby unit for an IV to keep her dosed up on antibiotics due to my high temperature and we ended up staying in hospital for a few days. I'm sad to say I don't properly remember the first time I breastfed her but I do remember that first night together feeding almost all night. It was a beautiful experience and we are now 12 weeks string into our breastfeeding journey and my love for this beautiful life we created grows stronger every single day.
After being told I may never be able to carry my own children due to polycystic ovarian syndrome, I was blessed with two pregnancies. One to become an angel and one to be our rainbow baby. Our little miracle. To my darling girl, I am so happy to be your mummy.